Rainbows of the Soul
by joanna77
Summary: Donna decides to quit. Begins in the 5th Season of the West Wing. There are some canon plots that happen but then the path leads us into AUland.
1. Chapter 1

**Rainbows of the Soul  
**

** Author: **Joanna Lyman**  
Rating: **PG-13 (maybe higher for language in later chapters)**  
Category: **AU, Angst, Drama, some Romance in later chapters  
**Spoilers:** Everything up to Disaster Relief.  
**Disclaimer: **Sorkin has the power, NBC and WB the rights, I'm a mere  
scribe.**  
**

* * *

Amy brought him coffee, he was over at the East Wing numerous times since Zoey was kidnapped, but the ultimate proof of them being together again was the same suit she saw him in a moment ago. Donna felt bad for leaving him without warning but she already told Leo about her intentions, and it was only because of the President's Chief of Staff she stayed this long. She handed him her resignation the morning after Independence Day, and Leo accepted it. He only asked her to think it over the summer and get back to him after Josh's birthday. 

Amy leaving the fish at the office and him appearing in the same suit without a tie gave her the final push. Leo said she would have to work two weeks after Josh's birthday but since she had some vacation time left, she could reduce that to one week. In which she could train her replacement. The term stung a bit, but Donna knew it had to be this way. Josh didn't need her anymore, he had Amy and he had Leo. They had to take care of him from now on, she needed to move on. She needed to face reality, to truly realize that he would never be hers, that he obviously didn't feel the same way about her.

When Ryan asked her about them she almost started to howl in pain. His words hurt like someone stabbed her in the heart. Repeatedly. She didn't want to stay here and watch them rekindling their relationship. It was torture. God only knows she would do anything for Josh, even if it would involve physical pain, but her heart would never be able to deal with them together again. She suffered through their relationship the first time, she wouldn't want to find out what happened if she stayed to watch them the second time.

So after the celebration tonight she would send him on his way, probably to Amy. She would come into the office tomorrow and tell him she resigned. Sure he was going to throw a tantrum but he would learn to live with it. Maybe he would be even grateful for being freed from the burden of her obvious affection.

And now, he needed Amy. Why couldn't he just call her himself? What could have possibly gone wrong while he was in with Leo? Well, she already self-destructed once, maybe she was about to do it again.

"I'm leaving," she said as she stepped into CJ's office.

"So early? I thought you are going to stay until Birthday Boy's party," CJ said, looking up from the article she was about to read.

"As a matter of fact, I'm staying for that until the cake eating part. Then I'm leaving," Donna repeated.

"And this would be news to me because…" CJ asked with an arched eyebrow.

"Well, I'm leaving after the cake and then come back for a week," Donna clarified.

"You are leaving?" CJ asked her as it slowly dawned on her what her friend was trying to say.

"Yeah," Donna said with a nod. "I gave Leo my letter of resignation on July 5, he asked me to think it over and get back to him after Josh's birthday. I thought it over and I came to the decision that it's time for me to leave. I would ask you to keep an eye on him but I know you will without me asking. I just wanted to tell you before I tell him and before the rest of the staff learns about it."

"I appreciate the heads-up, and I'll return the courtesy," CJ said. "I'm thinking about leaving too."

"Really?" Donna asked her.

"Yeah, recent events made it clear to me that I can no longer support the administration. I decided to take on an aggressive role from now on. If they let me voice my opinions, hear me out and seriously consider taking my advice, then I'm staying. If not, well, then I'm ready to part with my podium," CJ told her.

"I could be your assistant," Donna said half-heartedly. Truth was she was ready for more. But she knew she lacked the formal education and that she probably had to work as an assistant until getting her degree.

"You don't have to be an assistant anymore, Donna. You are ready to do more," CJ said persuasively.

"Strange as it might sound from me, I'm aware of that. But I don't have a college degree, so I will probably work as an assistant until I get one."

"You are considering it? I mean going back to school?" CJ asked taken aback.

"You don't think it's a good idea?" Donna asked her.

"Indeed, it's a very good idea," CJ said with a nod. "You are going back to Wisconsin?"

"No, the DC is my home now, and I want to stay close to politics. I like it," Donna said. "Besides, I wouldn't want to live with my parents again, and if I went home my mom would find a way to convince me of moving back with them."

"Yeah," CJ nodded.

"What about you? Have you thought about the afterlife?" Donna asked.

"Well, not really. I wanted to take two weeks off and simply enjoy doing nothing. What comes after that is still a mystery. Probably a PR agency for politicos. I could earn a heap of money."

"Yeah," Donna said with a nod. "Okay, I'm stopping by at Leo's and then I need to go back; there is something wrong at the East Wing. Josh was really upset over it."

"Does he know who planted the fish in his office?"

"No. Should I tell him?"

"If he asks about it, or, you know, if you feel like it," CJ said with a devious smile.

"Yeah, I really should," Donna said and then left the Press Secretary's office.

**TBC**

_Feedback is, as always, appreciated.  
_


	2. Chapter 2

**Rainbows of the Soul**

* * *

The party was winding down; Josh and Leo disappeared with the President. Donna had left for two beers and came back to find CJ on the sofa. She looked around to take in the remnants of the party, but then shook her head slightly. She had more important things to take care of. 

"Talk to me."

"Beer, please," CJ asked.

Donna handed her the bottle and then sat down next to her friend.

"If I haven't said it recently..."

"Bless me and my mini-fridge," Donna ended the sentence for her with a sad smile. "So, how bad?" she asked.

"All the dailies are going to jump on it, the Post, the Times. Fox will have a field day. Newsweek will do a cover. The Sunday morning shows will hang Josh from a klieg light, use him as a piñata," she listed and then shrugged her shoulders a bit. "All of which is okay. We can't put a lid on the story, but we can control the Schadenfreude, make sure he's still standing in a week. You told Leo that you are planning to stay?" CJ asked.

Donna shook her head, "Not yet. Schadenfreude?"

"You know, 'enjoying the suffering of others'? The whole rationale behind the House of Representatives."

Donna nodded that she understood. She knew what CJ was talking about. She knew there were people out there who had been waiting for this so long, who wanted to see Josh go down in a spectacular fashion. They were going to have a field day with Josh's mistake. And they were going to make him the scapegoat for everything that had gone wrong in the last years.

"It's all about setting the right tone, and it has to start first thing Monday. That's where you come in. You've got to help him protect his image, project business as usual. He's gotta do real work. No meetings that are below him, nothing with the Dairy Caucus or the Malt Beverage Lobby."

"Okay, I can do that."

"Don't be too obvious, but he has to know that you are doing it for him. He has to know that there are people in this building who still like him and still trust him and still look up to him."

"I still do. Despite all the things that made me resign, I still like him, I still trust him and I still look up to him," Donna said.

"Okay," CJ said with a nod. "I don't know how Leo will handle the pressure from the DNC and everyone else's uncle but I assume badly. He is… Not in the best state of mind. And the President is… Well, he and the country need Leo more than Josh. But I will try to remind him that Josh made a mistake like we all had done once or twice and that he shouldn't be sent to the doghouse over Carrick. I'm not sure he is going to listen, but I'll try. I know Toby is going to stand by Josh, but he is so bad at this that we could only pray he doesn't make matters worse. I wish we had the President but he is…" she trailed off.

"I understand," Donna said. "He has to cope, he has to learn to forgive himself and he has to find his way back."

"Yes," CJ said, looking at Donna appraisingly. "You are wise beyond your years, Donna."

"I'm just a people person," Donna deflected the compliment. "So that's it? Project business as usual?"

"Yeah."

"What if they stop call him? What if they refuse to meet with him?"

"Then you find the projects he can still push. Maybe some ideas you two never had the time for. Believe me; he is going to be benched for a while. Just give him enough to occupy himself. I don't have to tell you that he shouldn't sit in his office, brooding, waiting for Leo's call," CJ said.

"Okay. I'm heading over to Leo now," Donna said, finishing off her beer.

"Wait for me; I have to talk to him too."

"Okay," Donna said and then sat in silence while CJ emptied her bottle. They made their way to Leo's office together. Margaret was still there, she was typing something.

"May I?" Donna asked her with a nod of her head.

"Sure, he is alone, Josh left two minutes ago," Margaret informed her. "He looked subdued."

"Okay, thanks," Donna said and wanted to knock when Leo's voice startled the three of them.

"Margaret!" he bellowed.

"Yes?" Margaret opened the door slightly.

"I need Donna and CJ here as soon as possible," Leo told her.

"Yeah, they are already here," Margaret said and let them enter the Chief of Staff's office.

"Donna…" Leo wanted to start but Donna's raised hand silenced him.

"I'm staying," she said. "Until the next State of the Union or as long as he lets me take care of him."

"Okay, I can live with that. CJ?"

"I just wanted to let you know that I'm staying as well. Donna's deadline works for me too. After the next State of the Union I'm out of here," CJ echoed Donna's words.

"Okay. Thank you, both of you," Leo said.

"Leo…" Donna started to say but this time it was Leo who interrupted her.

"Donna, I can't talk about him right now. I don't know what happens, I don't know what the President is planning to do with him, but I know I'll sleep better now that I know that you'll take care of him."

"I just wanted to tell you that you should take care of yourself, you look a little pale and, to tell the truth, a bit run-down," Donna said. "It will be a difficult couple of weeks, and you'll need your strength."

"I know, and thanks for your concern," Leo said with a hint of a smile, but then he looked up at CJ. His face hardened and his eyes became cold. "I'll see you tomorrow at staff."

"Goodnight, Leo," CJ said and then they left Leo's office.

_TBC_


	3. Chapter 3

**Rainbows of the Soul**

* * *

Donna hoped her actions designed to help retaining Josh's dignity were successful and didn't made matters worse. Ryan's report about the previous night's events made her heart break for Josh, but she knew she couldn't let him see her emotions. He didn't need pity, he needed support and normalcy. So they bantered and joked around, even if Donna felt that Josh was hurting. Angela Blake's arrival made the situation even worse and Donna couldn't help but think that Leo would have been really crappy at taking care of Josh if she had resigned when she planned it.

When Amy called after the Senior Staff meeting, she transferred her immediately, hoping that she could make Josh feel better. She realized she should have known better when she heard Josh's raised voice. And then silence reigned over his office. He stayed in there a really long time after the heated discussion with his girlfriend and when he stepped outside he looked really hurt. The pain in his eyes almost propelled Donna to take him in her arms but she knew he didn't need that.

He needed a friend, not a new girlfriend. Besides, there was no indication whatsoever that he wanted her as a new girlfriend. He needed a friend, but CJ was not there, and she doubted he wanted to have lunch with his assistant. It would have looked desperate although they had lunches together every once in a while. Sam would have been a really good choice, but he decided to stay in California after the elections. Donna knew why, but in times like these she missed Sam even more than she did on a normal day. So there was only one person left to call.

She picked up the phone and dialed his extension, "Hi, Toby."

"Is he okay?"

"Well, considering that her girlfriend just made him more frustrated, I think it's safe to assume that he is not."

"And you want me to…"

"Come over here and have lunch with him at Joe's," Donna said.

"You think he would accept my invitation?" Toby asked doubtfully.

"Well, you will never know if you don't ask," Donna retorted. "Toby, I need you to take care of him a bit. He is really down."

"I know," Toby said. "I'll be there in ten; there's something I have to finish up first."

"Okay," Donna said. "Thank you."

She didn't replace the receiver but dialed CJ's number.

"Hi!" CJ greeted her.

"What's wrong?"

"I just… I don't know how to tell you, but I think I just told the President… I…" CJ sounded outright desperate.

"What did you tell him?"

"I told him to lead. I told him we needed him back. And I really wasn't subtle and gentle about it," CJ confessed.

"Maybe he needed to be pushed, CJ. I mean it's usually the First Lady or Leo, but Dr. Bartlet is not here and Leo's protecting him rather than pushing him," Donna said. "It was up to you. Don't feel bad about it."

"Thank you," CJ said in a sincere tone. "How is Josh?"

"Amy called a few minutes ago; they had a tiff over the phone judging by Josh's level of voice."

"Well, good for him. He will now know who his real friends are. Did Sam call?"

"Yeah, earlier," Donna said.

"He called me first, wanted to know if he should offer Josh an invitation for the next week. I told him Josh needed to stay in the DC."

"Yeah. Angela Blake is here," Donna told her friend.

"I know," CJ said with a sigh. "Toby told me. Listen, Leo had to call in someone. If Josh's portfolio is getting scaled back, he needs someone to take care of business."

"You are defending Leo's actions to me?" Donna asked back incredulously. CJ told her about the Environmental Protection Agency's doctored report and how Leo made her retract her words.

"Far from it. I'm just trying to explain how it works," CJ said. "You know what, ignore my last remark. You don't need that to be explained to you, you are a smart girl."

"Thanks, CJ. I asked Toby to have lunch with him," Donna told the Press Secretary.

"Well, I doubt he is going to accept but good thinking," CJ said.

"Thanks," Donna said. "I'll see you soon."

"Yeah, bye."

True to his word Toby arrived ten minutes later. Donna just sent him in with a nod of her head. She mentally kicked herself for thinking that Leo could take care of Josh in case she resigned. Leo, just like Josh, was good on grand gestures but the everyday aspect of showing someone the love and appreciation… He was a divorced man, and although he still loved his wife, she cited estrangement as the ground for separation. Donna realized that in Toby Josh had a really good friend, even if the Communications Director didn't want to advertise his fondness of the Deputy Chief of Staff.

After Toby stepped in, she opened the drawer of her desk and picked up the expanding folder she had been preparing over the years, 'just in case'. When the door opened again a few minutes later, she looked up and saw Toby shaking his head.

"He didn't want to grab lunch," he explained.

"Thanks," Donna said.

"Fat lot of good it helped," Toby murmured before taking off.

"It helped, Toby," Donna was by his side in an instant. "He knows now that you were ready to be seen with him."

"Okay," Toby said with a barely perceptible nod of his head and then disappeared.

Donna grabbed the folder and walked to Josh's office.

"You need anything?"

"On my home machine, I have 52 'Hang in there'-messages…" he said and then added, "one from a headhunter who wanted to know if I'm interested in moving into the private sector."

Donna smiled at the indignity in his voice. She asked, if he were, although she knew the answer.

"What's that?" Josh asked with a nod of his head towards her expanding folder.

"It's my 'What a Shame' folder," Donna explained. "All the stuff we never have time for, the stuff we thought we'd fix when we got here but we never did." She began sifting through the file, "Foreign adoption policies ... hybrid energy partnerships ... extending the roadless conservation plan," she listed. "Okay, this one's not a shame, I just didn't want to deal with it ... funding special education for kids with disabilities ..." she went on and out of the corner of her eye she noticed that Josh sat up, finally showing some interest. "Ammunition control, what's a gun without bullets? A twenty-first century teachers corps – we've got all those baby boomer teachers retiring ... mentor programming," she continued and then looked up. "Take a pick."

"You take a pick. It's your folder, Donna. I will help you with it."

"Okay. Funding special education for kids with disabilities," Donna picked.

"I knew you'd pick that one," Josh said with a grin that Donna missed so much. "Let's get down to work then."

_TBC _


	4. Chapter 4

**Rainbows of the Soul**

* * *

It hurt that Josh thought she would blame him for the current crisis. She knew it wasn't his fault, but why didn't he know she would never blame him, especially not in front of Angela? It hurt so much that she had to leave the Roosevelt Room after that exchange. She heard Josh's bitter remark about new friends and Angela's answer too. She hoped Josh felt at least a bit ashamed for insinuating betrayal and disloyalty. She knew he was hurting too and knew that when he was hurting he always took it out on the ones he liked, but she was fed up with it. She was seriously contemplating marching into Leo's office and demanding he accept her resignation effective immediately. But then she remembered the hurt in his eyes and remembered when she saw it last time and knew she would never be able to leave him right now. Not while he was suffering.

So she took her place at the budget negotiations table and fought for his college-tuition tax deduction. Not because it was his idea, but because it was something she believed in. She was convinced that they seemed elitist, that they were not successful at communicating with the average citizens. That's why Ritchie led early in the polls and that's why some didn't like the President. There was a problem. Donna knew that they got off message again; she knew that Toby was trying to get them back, but apparently Leo had other priorities. Donna didn't doubt that Leo meant well, but he was far from doing it good. He didn't realize that the Senior Staff grew apart. He didn't see Sam's disillusionment or CJ's disappointment; he didn't see that Toby was ready to do more, that he didn't feel appreciated enough. Donna knew how he must have felt when Leo rebuffed his suggestion. Donna knew that he was a great writer, but also a great political mind. But Leo didn't see that. Just like Josh didn't see (or didn't want to see) that although she had excellent organizational skills, she had an eye for details. And like he once said, that was the true criterion of a successful politician. He didn't understand where her frustration was coming from, just like Leo didn't understand that Josh's frustration with the scaled-back portfolio didn't stem from the fear of losing his job or his power, but from the fear that he couldn't do his job.

She considered calling CJ before Haffley and his cronies came back, but she knew her friend was already on her way back to the DC. She decided to go over to CJ's place after work, maybe they could figure out something together because she felt at the end of her wisdom with the Josh-Leo situation. There was something else there, something she wasn't able to put a finger on. She knew there was an undercurrent she wasn't aware of, and she also knew that she and CJ were not enough. They needed the President to step in.

And then, almost as answer to her prayers, he showed up in the Roosevelt Room and there was a 'showdown at the OK Corral' as she reported to CJ later. It was a sight to see, and she hoped the President would take matters into his own hand after that. But he retreated to the Residence, leaving the others to figure it out. Donna was frustrated with the President; didn't he realize that Leo was not up to par? Didn't he realize that the only other person fluent in budget-talk was benched by Leo? Didn't he realize that leading meant sweating together with the followers? Apparently he didn't. And that made her angry with the President.

She got to CJ's pretty late. She brought a bottle of white wine, and they discussed the latest events. CJ asked how it felt being taken seriously by a player.

"It means nothing," Donna said with a sad smile.

"Because it didn't come from the right player?"

Donna only nodded and took another sip of her wine.

"We need help, CJ. This thing with Leo and Josh could continue until the end of times. There is something else going on, and I don't know what. I doubt Josh will ever tell me, so we need the President to step in, CJ," Donna said.

"We need the First Lady," CJ said.

"You talked to her like you said you would?" Donna asked her.

"Yup, she said she didn't want to come back, and honestly, who is going to fault her? She is pissed at her husband. And I can't imagine how pissed at Leo she is," CJ added.

"We have to call her, CJ," Donna insisted.

"Like now?" CJ asked back incredulously.

"Yes," Donna said.

"I know you had a glass of wine, Donna, but don't get bold," CJ warned her. "She is the First Lady, and it's well after midnight."

"Just call her, I'll tell her it was my idea."

"What are you going to tell her?"

"You and I are going to convince her to come back. Her husband needs her and she promised in good times and bad," Donna said. "Call her, please."

"Okay, but it was your idea."

CJ dialed and when Abbey picked up, she put her on the speakerphone.

"Hi, Mrs. Bartlet, sorry for calling you so late, but we needed to talk to you," Donna said. "It was my idea, so please don't be mad at CJ, she agreed only reluctantly."

"Donna, what's wrong?" Abbey Bartlet asked.

"Leo benched Josh, Angela Blake is handling the budget negotiations, and Leo was ready to give away the house. The President stood up to the Speaker and his cronies but then left everything to Leo again," Donna said, not bothering with blunting the edge in her voice. Abbey Bartlet was a woman who appreciated straightforwardness and honesty.

"You want me to come back and talk to Jed?" Abbey asked her.

"Yes, ma'am," Donna said.

"Donna, I…" she wanted to say, but Donna interrupted her.

"Ma'am, forgive me my bluntness, but the President needs you and the country needs the President. Which basically means that the country needs you," Donna said.

"This little patriotic tirade didn't convince me of anything, Donna. Cut the crap and tell me what you really think," Abbey said.

CJ threw Donna a warning look, but she only shook her head in response. She needed to be honest with the First Lady. She needed to talk to her like one woman to another, not like a lowly assistant to the wife of the leader of the free world.

"I resigned on July 5. Leo asked me to stay until Josh's birthday, but then Carrick happened and I decided to stay on," she said and hoped the First Lady knew why she brought it up.

"You mean I need to stand by my man," Abbey quoted the hit single of Tammy Wynette.

"Yes, ma'am," Donna said.

"And also by your man?" Abbey asked with a chuckle.

"That would be a bonus, yeah," Donna said cheekily.

"I'm coming down tomorrow," Abbey declared then and they said their goodbyes.

"You were pretty ballsy," CJ remarked after the conversation.

"Yeah, just like you were with the President. It actually helps that you know they can't fire you," Donna said.

"They still could," CJ said.

"That's true, but our resignations are with Leo, and saying they asked us to stay and then fired us wouldn't look all that great," Donna told her.

"I'm glad she is coming down," CJ whispered.

"Me too," Donna agreed with a nod.

_TBC_

_**I hope you like this one, if so, please leave a review. **_


	5. Chapter 5

**Rainbows of the Soul**

* * *

"You know I thought he would be his normal self by now, but he is so not," Donna said as a greeting as she stepped into CJ's office. 

"Are we talking about Josh?" CJ asked her.

"Hey, you have a tree! It looks nice," Donna said after noticing the tree. "Can I help decorate it later?"

"I was counting on it," CJ said with a smile. "So…"

"So?"

"Josh," CJ prompted her again.

"Yeah, this Josh-Leo tension is getting on my nerves. I wish they would get it out of their system. I can't leave while they are still like this. I need Leo in Josh's corner," Donna said.

"You should talk to him," CJ suggested.

"Leo or Josh?"

"Either. Both," CJ corrected.

"In which order?" Donna asked her.

"I don't know," CJ said with a sigh. "Listen, Donna, I have this mess with the DEA on my desk and then the Sudanese situation…"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Donna said hastily and without further words she retreated from CJ's office.

She had to pick up something at the front desk and stopped to listen to the choir before heading back to the Operations bullpen.

"Donna!" She heard him bellow from his office.

"You going to come watch? There's people singing in the Lobby," she informed him.

"Spontaneously?" he asked with a cute grin.

"The choir from the tree-lighting," she clarified.

At that Josh brought out the catalogue she gave him earlier and tapped on the post-it, asking, "Who's that for?"

Donna tried to ignore him, but he obviously decided to press on.

"You picked your own gift?" he asked with incredulity in his voice.

Donna didn't know what to say because she did. But not for obvious reasons. She just didn't want to get blinded by another display of his sweetness. Many Christmases ago she received a gift from him that made her cry for two consecutive hours after she arrived home from the office. Her roommate had been frightened and wanted to call an ambulance she cried so hard.

"I'm in charge of shopping," she decided for a little misdirection.

"I got your gift," he countered with a broad grin, and Donna hated herself for falling it once again.

"No, you didn't," she said irrefutably. "Three weeks in advance?" she asked then after seeing the look on his face.

"I saw it on Thanksgiving. I got it," he said.

"No you didn't…" she said and then wondered whether it was really true. Maybe, she decided then. After all he spent Thanksgiving at his mother's, and maybe his mom made him get it. "What is it?"

"I'm not telling you."

"I want to know," she insisted.

"Really?" Josh asked her, and once again she despised herself for not being capable of withstanding him when he was charming. "It's a gift certificate," he said then, and Donna felt her smile falter. Because she was truly able to picture it, it would be just like him. "Tower Records," he added, and Donna lost all hope. "Because you're a fan of the music," he explained. "You get to go on a spree."

"That'll be fun…" she tried for non-chalance. She didn't want him to see how much he hurt her.

"Sometime tomorrow, I need to sit with Approps and find some foreign aid money we can reprogram," Josh returned to the business of the country, making Donna even angrier.

"What should I tell them it's for?" She put on her business-face too, trying to force back the tears that threatened to escape.

"Bribing a dictator to get illegal missionaries out of Sudan," he said.

"Something I can put on the memo," Donna said coolly. She found a little joy when she saw him looking up at her, with questions in his eyes.

"Reassigning funds from extant authorizations based on new priorities in East Africa," he said on the top of his head. She hated him right now with the heat of a nova, and seeing how smart he was, didn't lessen the feeling, it just made her resent him more.

"Do you mind if I go watch the carolers?" she asked then again in a cool voice. He shook his head, and Donna left his office.

"Donna." She heard his gentle voice calling her, but she decided not to turn back. More precisely, her head decided not to turn back. Her heart, the traitor, made her go back for more.

"It's not a gift certificate," he added in an almost whisper, making Donna's heart beat faster.

"What is it?" she demanded to know.

"I'm not telling you," Josh said in a flirty tone, and Donna's heart was now pounding. He was flirting with her again!

"I want to know!" She tried for a pout. The pout always got to Josh.

"Socks," he said with a grin.

"Stop!" Donna reprimanded him while her traitorous heart melted at the sight of his dimples.

"I'm not telling you. Live with the pain," Josh said and then returned to his memo.

Donna typed up the Sudan memo and sent it to Sandy at Appropriations and then went to watch the carolers. While listening to the sweet sound of 'What Child Is This?' she came to her senses. Josh was resorting to flirting, there had to be a reason for that. And it could only have one reason. Her earlier question answered, she decided to make peace with CJ and ask her to accompany her to Leo.

"Hi," she greeted her friend gently.

"Hi, Donna," she returned the greeting, and Donna knew she had been crying.

"What happened?" she asked, forgetting her problems with Josh and Leo. She was at CJ's side in an instant.

"My father has Alzheimer's," CJ said.

"I know that," Donna reminded her gently.

"The mess with the DEA and the AG was about euthanasia in Oregon," CJ explained.

"Oh, my God! CJ, I'm so sorry," Donna apologized.

"Don't be, it's not your fault," CJ said with a tight little smile.

"I meant about my earlier behavior," Donna clarified. "I was harping about Josh and Leo when you were dealing with a real battle on your own. I'm so sorry."

"No, Donna," CJ said. "Don't belittle your problems. I should have told you something. You are a much better human being than we are. We are all pretty much fucked up, pulling up these walls around us, never letting anyone see how vulnerable we are, how much we care about someone, how we suffer. You are brave enough to share your burdens, to show your pain."

"Thanks, CJ." Donna was touched, and almost told her she was just coming from Josh where she pretty much hid her feelings behind the matters of business. "You know that you can tell me anything you want," she offered.

"I actually know that. I'll really miss you, you know," she added then.

"Why were you crying?" Donna asked, not wanting to talk about her resignation.

"I just feel helpless," CJ said and told her about the phone call.

Donna pulled the phone to her and hit redial.

"Gentle Way Care Centre," the operator announced.

"Yeah, this is Donna Moss, Ms. Cregg's personal assistant," Donna lied. "May I talk to the director please?"

"The director is not available right now," the operator said.

"Listen to me," Donna pulled out her voice she reserved for Congressional aides and interns. "Ms. Cregg is the White House Press Secretary; she is in the Oval Office right now, talking to the President. When the President sees that she is worried about something he will ask about it, and when she tells him how she was treated over the phone by one of your co-workers not ten minutes ago, you can be sure the director won't be available for the next couple of years."

"I'll put her on line," the operator said in a meek voice.

"You are downright scary, I hope you know that," CJ said with a little smile.

"You were afraid to play the White House card, I'm not," Donna said, placing her hand over the receiver. Finally, she turned back her attention to the phone. "Yes, this is Donna Moss, Ms. Cregg's personal assistant."

"This is Director Monroe speaking, Ms. Moss," Director Monroe said. "What can I do for you?"

"Mr. Cregg is not that fond of turkey, and we were wondering if he could get ham instead. We are ready to order and let it deliver it to you; all we need from you is to make sure that he gets it."

"Ms. Moss, we…"

"Listen, Ms. Monroe," Donna said. "Is this against some kind of rules you have over there?"

"No," Ms. Monroe said sullenly.

"Then I asked for a favor, I guess. Are you willing to trade favors?" Donna asked.

"What kind of favors are we talking about?"

"I'm not sending any members of the print media your way; in exchange you'll make sure that Ms. Cregg's father gets the ham we are sending to him. What do you say?" Donna asked her, ignoring CJ's frown.

"Are you trying to blackmail me?" the Director asked, making Donna grin evilly. She knew she already won.

"If you had nothing to fear you'd have said I should send them right away, it would have been an amazing chance for publicity," Donna retorted. "Since you got all defensive I can't help but wonder what you have to hide, Ms. Monroe. I'm sending the ham tomorrow. Will you make sure that Talmidge Cregg gets it?"

"Yes," came the sullen answer, and Donna ended the conversation with a sincere 'thank you'.

"What?" She asked when she saw CJ's expression.

"I just hope you won't defect like Carrick. One day you'll be a true match for Josh," CJ said.

"I had good teachers," Donna said with a grin. "Maybe you should look for another home for him. It's just a suggestion; I know that it's not only up to you. And now, I have to go. I have to catch Leo."

"I'll accompany you if that's okay with you," CJ said. "So you decided to talk to Leo?" she asked as they made their way to the Chief of Staff's office.

"Yeah, Josh started flirting with me again," Donna confessed. "I bet Leo told him about my intentions. Maybe gave him a hint or something to that effect."

"Are you sure?"

"Well, not a month ago he was still together with Amy," Donna said.

"You know what that was," CJ said.

"Are you actually telling me if I offered my body as shamelessly as she did, Josh and I would be together right now?" Donna asked.

"That is actually what I implied, yes," CJ admitted.

"Yeah, I was that girl once or maybe twice, but not again," Donna said, shaking her head. "I want more than great sex."

"Great sex?"

"Come on, CJ, Amy came back for more, he has to be fantastic in bed," Donna said in a low voice.

"Yeah," CJ agreed.

"Anyway, I want more," Donna said. "Tell me if you need me again with that Monroe person," she added as they arrived at Leo's office.

"Okay, thanks."

"Hi, Margaret," Donna greeted her fellow assistant. "Is he in?"

"Yes, he just came back from the Situation Room."

"Swell," Donna murmured under her breath, eliciting a laugh from CJ.

"Leo?" she poked her head in. He was sitting behind his desk, reading a memo. Donna sighed, he looked terrible. She wished she had the power to send him away for a holiday. Maybe she should talk to the President. Tonight she felt especially brave, she wondered how long it would last.

"Donna," Leo acknowledged her. "Come in, please."

"Good evening," Donna tried for politeness.

"What brings you here?" Leo cut to the chase.

"Did you tell Josh that I'm leaving?" Donna returned the courtesy.

"No," Leo said, looking at her over the rim of his reading glasses.

"Are you sure?" she asked back, staring at Leo to catch him off-guard.

"Yes."

"Are you really sure?" Donna asked him again. This was Leo, after all. He was the White House Chief of Staff, and more than that, he had been a politician for nearly thirty years. Lying convincingly was actually a requirement in his job. And it's not that he was under oath.

"Are you really implying what I think you are implying?" Leo asked back incredulously.

"If you think I was implying that you were lying, then yes, I'm really implying what you think I'm implying," Donna shot back cheekily. "And don't think I don't know that you would be ready to lie for Josh. Even now," she added in a whisper.

"What do you mean by 'even now'?" Leo asked.

"Well, even now that you two are so off," Donna said, being deliberately vague, thinking maybe this could be the time she learned what was standing between Leo and Josh.

"Off?" Leo asked back, and Donna couldn't help but smile at the response.

"Yes, off," she repeated with a slight nod, thinking two could play this game.

"I let him out of the doghouse," Leo said.

"Yeah," Donna said. "He is still the best Deputy a White House Chief of Staff ever got, and you know that since you are an extremely good and professional politician."

"Okay," Leo said hesitantly.

"Oh, come on, Leo! He won't say anything, and I'm truly frustrated. I'm leaving in about two months, I don't have the time for guessing games!" she exclaimed. "He will need you when I'm gone," she added then in a gentler voice. "Please, Leo. Let me help the two of you."

"He doesn't understand," Leo said.

"What?"

"The need to recuse yourself when your family is involved," Leo said. "He was obsessing about handing the elections to the Republicans while Zoey was missing. I know we made him the President's bulldog, but Zoey?"

"He loves Zoey, Leo," Donna said. "Sure, he doesn't understand how a father feels but you can't fault him for not being a father. And you are right, you made him that way. Actually you made all of them that way. By not putting YOUR family first, you and the President indirectly asked them to do the same. Toby was already heading that way, but his marriage with Andy broke up after we moved into the White House. CJ has practically no life outside of her office, and today… No one helped her today, Leo. She was struggling with this whole euthanasia thing alone. You were all worried about the President's reaction, but no one worried about how this brought CJ's fears about her father to the surface. And Josh? He didn't understand the President recusing himself because he was confused. Our whole first term was about putting this job first and suddenly the President is drawing himself away from the office that could save his daughter. On top of it, you let him. He loves Zoey, he was just confused. He thought he had to play the devil's advocate. That's what he does. That's what you always ask him to do," she said and ended her tirade.

"Sam?" Leo asked back.

"Sam realized where he had been heading and took the first chance that allowed him to leave without raising questions why he left," Donna said, silently asking Sam for forgiveness. She promised not to talk about this with anyone, but she knew he wouldn't mind if he knew in what kind of situation she was in right now.

"I see," Leo said.

"Can you find forgiveness in your heart?" Donna asked him.

Leo only nodded, and Donna stood to leave.

"But I'm not sure Josh is ready to forgive me," he said in a low voice.

"He will," Donna said convinced.

"You don't know the whole story," Leo said, making Donna come back and take her place again.

"What's the whole story, Leo?" she pressed on.

"He asked me about Carrick," Leo said. "He asked if he could get tough on him. And I agreed."

"You mean you really made him the scapegoat? You didn't stand up for him in front of the DNC-morons?"

"He was the one who talked to the press!" Leo defended himself. "He made Carrick look like he was the Devil himself in front of his constituents!"

"That's what he does when he gets tough!" Donna shouted back. "That's what he does!" she repeated, almost choking on her words as she slumped back in her chair.

"I need him to trust me again," Leo said. He didn't beg, he didn't ask, he didn't demand, he just said the words and trusted Donna to get the meaning. And she did get it. Leo had high expectations. Donna was no better than the senior staff. Leo McGarry commandeered respect and when he asked you something you obliged. Not because he ordered you but because you had the urge to do so. Donna thought that in most ways he was like her father. He expected her best and was disappointed when she didn't live up to it. He also accepted her decisions if she was able to convince him of their rightness.

"He trusts you, Leo," Donna said after forcing back the tears in her eyes. "He trusts you despite everything you did. Get rid of Angela and give him back his portfolio, he could share it with Toby if you want, just not a stranger. Not someone from your past. That basically screams that you don't trust him anymore."

"I think Angela wants to leave anyway," Leo said.

"You have to ask her to leave. It should come from you. Otherwise it won't help to convince Josh that you trust him again."

"Okay," Leo said, and Donna started to wonder just how tired he was in order to be this compliant.

"Two more things," Donna said as she stood up. "You should give him some impossible task for Christmas. It will show him that you are back to normal."

"That can be arranged," Leo told her with an impish grin, and Donna realized how rarely she saw Leo smiling or grinning. "What's the other thing?"

"You really should take time off," Donna told him. "The President is back. Let him handle the country for a few weeks. Go away with Jordan or Mallory. You have to switch off."

"Thanks for worrying about me, Donna, but I don't think I will. It would drive me crazy not being here."

"Well, you are an adult, and I'm neither your mother nor your assistant," Donna said.

"So I can count on Margaret to nag about it in the future?" he asked with another grin, letting Donna know that he won't mind.

"You know me so well, Leo," Donna said and left the office laughing.

_TBC_

_**Thanks for all the lovely feedback so far! If you still like the story, please leave a review. **_


	6. Chapter 6

**Rainbows of the Soul**

* * *

Donna made her way to the White House and met CJ before entering the gate. They stared at each other for a moment and then Donna let CJ enter first. CJ smiled and waited up for her at the sign-in desk.

"So I heard you found sponsors," CJ said as they both made their way to their offices.

"Yeah, many wanted to attach their names to the bill, but I didn't want big names for big names sake but rather two dedicated people who would fight for the bill," Donna explained.

"I met Josh yesterday, he was livid when he heard you chose a Republican senator," CJ said.

"Yeah, I recall his words being extremely hurtful and condescending," Donna said, not trying to conceal how wounded she was. "I want this bill passed, CJ. I don't care about partisan bickering, this thing is more important than being Republican or Democrat."

"I know," CJ said. "You are telling him today?"

"Yeah, I'm telling him today. That will give me 18 days to train my replacement," Donna said. "What about you?"

"Well, as of this week I'm conducting a search for a new Deputy Press Secretary," CJ said. "That's what Leo told me to do. In reality we are looking for a new Press Secretary, Henry is a good deputy, but if the going gets tough he could be torn apart by the White House Press Corps in mere minutes."

"Have you already told Toby?"

"No, I'm doing it today before the Lincoln-fest that awaits us," CJ said.

"I'm not sitting with the President tonight, I drew the short straw last year, that was enough," Donna said.

"You loved it," CJ said with a grin.

"Yeah, but no one has to know about it. Besides, I have a plan," Donna said.

"What kind of plan?" Toby asked them as he arrived with a steaming coffee cup in his hands.

"Toby!" CJ exclaimed, putting her hand over her heart. "You scared me!"

"What kind of plan?"

"The world has to know… Well, I guess not the world, but the DC political scene has to know that Josh is rehabilitated. He has to sit with the President tonight. If they see them talking, sitting next to each other, they'll know that Josh is back in the President's grace."

"And what's the plan?"

"Actually it's not a plan; it's more like a passively-watching-not-doing-anything-that-would prevent-the-train-wreck sort of thing. The President will go on a trivia-spree and he will ask the questions. I guess everybody will be able to hold their tongue, well, everybody except Josh," Donna said.

"That's your plan?" Toby asked, and Donna couldn't decipher from his tone whether he thought she was nuts or a genius.

"Yeah, that's my plan," Donna said.

"It might work," Toby admitted, and Donna saw his mouth twitching slightly.

After that he set off, and they watched him walking down the hallway before continuing their conversation.

"Today is going to suck," CJ said.

"Yeah, I actually pity Leo," Donna said.

"Why?" CJ asked perplexed.

"Because they are going to behave like children and run to Daddy to fix things. Only when they find out he is going to let us go…" she trailed off, leaving it to CJ's imagination what was going to happen in Leo's office later that day.

"Yeah, it's going to be painful," CJ said. "Are you afraid?" she asked then as Donna hesitated before putting down her things at her desk.

"Yeah, a bit," she admitted. "He's gonna be nasty today. He is going to ask me why I'm not leaving immediately. Most likely I'm going to end up in the bathroom, crying."

"Okay, I'll know where to find you in case I need you," CJ said and gave Donna's shoulder an encouraging squeeze. "You can come help me and Carol to find my replacement."

"Thanks, but I don't think it would go over very well," Donna declined. CJ nodded in agreement and then left her alone in the Operations bullpen.

"Today is gonna suck," Donna told herself and then booted up her computer.

Ten minutes later, Josh entered the bullpen. After mumbling some kind of greeting to her he went into his office. She didn't have to be a genius to know that he was still pissed off at her about Vinick. Well, she was just about to give him another reason to be pissed off.

"Can we go over your schedule for today?" Donna asked him.

"I hope there are no meetings whatsoever with Arnie Vinick," he griped.

"You know what, Josh? You can read your damn schedule alone!" she said, throwing down his appointment book on his desk. She turned and wanted to leave but then remembered that she was planning to tell him about her resignation. "Oh, and I resigned. I'm staying until the State of the Union to train my replacement and then I'm out of your hair," she informed him and then stormed out of his office.

"Donna!" he hollered before she could count to five.

"And you are going to learn the finer points of using the intercom!" she shouted back, using the instrument in question. It must have taken him by surprise (or maybe deafen him, she wasn't really sure) because he didn't bellow again. But Donna was in for a surprise too, when the intercom came alive with some static and Josh's voice echoed through the bullpen as he cried, "Donna!"

She had to give it to him; he was just as good at the game as she. Meanwhile, her plan, a second one for this day, was working out nicely. She planned to keep him angry about something else than the resigning.

"Yes?" she poked her head in.

"Get the hell in here!" he bellowed.

"I'm working out my two weeks notice, Josh, I don't need to tolerate you swearing at me," she said but stepped into the office anyway.

"Well, you'll have to tolerate me for more than two weeks because you are not going to leave in two weeks," Josh said.

"Live with it, Josh, I'm going to leave and I'm going to leave after the State of the Union. I guess it would be a vain attempt to ask you to act like an adult about it so I'm not going to do that. Now, can we go over your schedule for today?" she returned to business.

"I'm not going to take any meetings with Vinick," Josh said irrefutably, and Donna hoped he was over of her resignation. But of course, it was Josh. He was the epitome of the passive-aggressive treatment.

"And you don't have to. I asked Ed and Larry to handle the bill," Donna said. "They are going to meet with the Senator and the Congressman."

"I didn't say I didn't want to meet with Santos," Josh said.

"Well, they are a package deal, Josh," Donna told him. "And I already told you not to bother with it; I know you have more important things on your plate."

"You treated this bill as the most important thing ever," Josh countered.

"I didn't say it wasn't important to me, I just said that it probably wasn't your priority," Donna retorted.

"I thought we were going to do this together," Josh said.

"I thought that too until you practically told me that I was dumb and a traitor to the Democratic Party for asking Vinick to be one of the sponsors of the bill," Donna said in a sad voice. "Now, can we go back to your schedule?"

Josh nodded compliantly and Donna rattled off his meetings, starting with a staff meeting in ten minutes. She didn't tell him she was invited too because she knew she couldn't handle another condescending or spiteful remark. She just hoped he would behave in front of the others. It was a hope in vain. They went over of the business of the day and then Leo asked Toby, Josh, CJ and Donna to stay.

"I asked you to stay because I want the two of you to behave like adults," Leo said, throwing a pointed look at Josh and Toby.

"I thought you wanted to tell him in the afternoon," Donna asked CJ in a whisper.

"I decided to get over with it sooner rather than later," CJ whispered back.

"Donna is responsible for the Education for Children with Disabilities bill, Leo. She can't leave until the vote," Josh told Leo, and Donna had to admit that he had a good point. But he wasn't a master politician for nothing.

"Well, I guess then you have to give her a hand, Josh," Leo told his deputy. "Talk to Vinick and Santos, shore up the votes and let the Minority Leader know when they can schedule a vote."

"It's not that simple!" Josh exclaimed.

"Yeah, since I haven't worked in this town for nearly thirty years, I actually don't know how difficult it is for a bill to pass, Josh. Maybe you could enlighten me later," Leo remarked with sarcasm.

"But Leo…" Josh started to whine.

"Listen, Josh, it was her decision and I accepted her resignation in July so…"

"No!" Donna and CJ exclaimed in unison while Josh shouted, "July?"

Leo looked at the two women and shook his head. The cat was out of the bag, there was nothing else to do but come clean.

"Josh, Donna resigned on July 5. I asked her to think about it and get back to me after your birthday. She wanted to leave in October but then Carrick happened and she stayed. You should be grateful instead of giving her a hard time about it," Leo told Josh who was staring at Donna. She, in turn, was staring at the carpet in front of her shoes.

"July?" Josh asked again and then stormed out of the office.

"That went over well," CJ remarked.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, Donna, I just didn't want him to give you a hard time about this."

"He already decided that I'm a traitor, Leo, nothing you say could make me better or worse in his eyes," Donna said in a whisper and then left for the Operations bullpen.

Josh's door was closed, but Donna knew that it would be. She hesitated before knocking but then did it nonetheless.

"Go away!" Josh bellowed, but Donna didn't care.

"Josh," she called out gently after stepping in.

"You resigned in July," Josh said reproachfully.

"Yes, I did," Donna said.

"Why?"

"I had my reasons." She didn't want to tell him why. She didn't want to lay her soul bare open, she was hurt as it was. "I know I should have told you, but Leo asked me to keep it to me until your birthday and then…"

"And then came the mess with Carrick and you stayed out of pity," Josh said sullenly.

"No!" Donna protested. "I stayed because I'm your friend, Josh," she explained, and when Josh wanted to interrupted her, she lifted her hand to stop him. "I know you think I betrayed you and was dishonest and disloyal, but Josh, it was never out of pity."

"Well, that's comforting to know," Josh said, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

"You want me to leave right away?" Donna offered.

"I don't know. Maybe," Josh admitted.

"Okay," Donna said and then left his office. She went to her desk where Toby was already waiting for her. "Toby, if you are here to lecture me about loyalty, please could we pretend that you already did, I'm really not in the mood."

"Is he in?" Toby asked her.

"Yeah."

Donna saw him disappear into the office and then started to pack her things.

"She is the one leaving!" she heard Josh shout two minutes later.

That drew her closer to the half-open door.

"Josh, you shouldn't forget who stood by you when you were basically a pariah in this building," Toby said.

Donna was touched that both Leo and Toby wanted to plead her case, but she was also painfully aware of the fact that they didn't help, rather made it harder. It clearly showed her that they only knew the Josh he let them see. They didn't bother to understand him; they didn't know why he took her resignation so badly. Why he blamed her. Josh hated losing people. Leaving him was a difficult decision, but Donna saw no other way. Their relationship wasn't healthy anymore, and she knew the longer she stayed the more screwed up they'd become. She only hoped that they could remain friends. Oh, she knew that in the first months Josh would act like she didn't exist, like they never met but she hoped that once the initial feeling of betrayal went away, he would let her into his life again.

For the day she hoped that Toby would make sure that her 'Lincoln-plan' worked. Her things packed, she made her way to the Press Room where CJ and Carol were conducting the search for the new Press Secretary.

"Hi, I'm Annabeth Schott," a petite blonde greeted her.

"Donna Moss," Donna said and shook her outstretched hand. "Are you here for the Deputy Press Secretary position?"

"Yes and no," Annabeth said. "When Mr. Bailey left the White House was looking for a new Deputy Communications Director and I sent my resume for that job. Now, they called me in for the Deputy Press Secretary job. You are here for a job too?"

"No," Donna said with a sad smile and when the next candidate left the Press Room she slipped in.

"Donna," CJ greeted her, her eyes looked so sad and Donna could saw how broken her soul was.

"You don't want to stay? See this administration out?" she asked boldly, noting how her words made CJ's eyes come alive. "They are already taking you more seriously than ever before."

"Leo didn't ask me to stay," CJ told her.

"CJ!" Donna exclaimed. "You know him, he never would. Just tell him you made up your mind and you don't want to leave until the very end."

"Would you stay?" CJ asked her.

"In your position?" Donna asked back and then nodded. "Maybe."

"What do you say, Carol?" CJ asked her assistant.

"I'm willing to stay if you stay," Carol said with a slight smile.

"At least we don't have to hear another pathetic spokesperson today," CJ said with a relieved sigh. "Donna, I can't tell you how excruciating this had been!"

"Well, there is one more woman outside," Donna said. "Maybe you should talk to her. She wanted Sam's job."

"Really?" CJ asked. "Carol, could you ask Toby to come here?"

"Of course."

"Donna, could you show her in?"

"Of course."

Donna escorted Annabeth in and she wanted to help her adjust the micro but CJ told her to leave it. She asked Annabeth to sit with her and then smiled up at Donna.

"Ms. Moss, what do you say about the allegations that former Deputy Communications Director Sam Seaborn wants to run for Congress again?"

"Well, CJ," Donna agreed to play, "I don't think that Sam left the White House to return to the Mad House."

"You really look good up there," Annabeth remarked, making Donna blush.

"She is right, you know," CJ said after throwing Donna a scrutinizing look. "Is it right that Angela Blake is leaving? Wasn't she supposed to replace Josh Lyman as Deputy Chief of Staff?" CJ continued.

"Angela Blake helped the administration getting a new budget, now that it is done, she is returning to the private sector. The President thanked her for her dedicated work and service to the country. To answer your second question, CJ, there was no plan whatsoever to replace Josh Lyman as White House Deputy Chief of Staff."

"Rumor has it…"

"Does this rumor have a name on it?" Donna shot back and then sent CJ a smile to show that she didn't mean to be rude to her. "Unfounded allegations and rumors are the plague on America's society, CJ."

"So you won't replace him?" CJ pressed on.

"No. Josh Lyman enjoys President Bartlet's and Leo McGarry's trust."

"Is it true that the President's Press Secretary is leaving?" Toby, who stepped into the room with Will and Carol in tow, asked.

"No, Toby, the President's Press Secretary is not leaving," Donna told him.

"A senior White House aide told me today that she is leaving," Toby pressed on.

"It must have been a misunderstanding then, Toby," Donna said with a slight smile. "CJ will stay on until the very end, when the administration is going to be ready to hand the White House over to the next dedicated Democrat, who will serve as the forty-fourth President of the United States."

"Currently known as Vice President Robert Russell," Will inserted, and Donna tried to hide her grimace.

"I didn't ask for Will," CJ told Carol while Toby was digesting the Donna's words.

"I have to talk to Toby, if I let him out of sight he might go Houdini on me again, and the Vice President asked me to pitch something to him," Will said.

"Alright," CJ said with a sigh and rolled her eyes. "Toby, if you are done with Donna, we should return to Ms. Schott. Could you please tell us why you wanted to be Deputy Communications Director?"

"Well, this is the White House," Annabeth said and Donna saw Toby's head perk up.

"You are not here for the Press Secretary job?" he asked the petite woman.

"I only came because I really want the Deputy Communications Director job," she admitted.

"CJ, it should be me interviewing candidates," Toby remarked.

"And I sent Carol for you," CJ said irrefutably. "You have an impressive resume, Ms. Schott."

"Annabeth, and thank you, CJ," Annabeth said and then turned to Toby. "You have any questions for me, Mr. Ziegler?"

"Are you planning to stay until the very end?"

_TBC_

* * *

**So tell me what you think so far! And a big thanks to all of you who left a review. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Rainbows of the Soul**

* * *

"I need a job, CJ," Donna sat down with a tired sigh. She put down her tray and picked up her fork to dig into her salad.

"Good day to you too," CJ greeted her and then looked at her with a frown. "You lost weight. Donna, you can't afford to lose weight! You are…"

"I dare you to go there," Donna said, glaring at her.

"I never thought you wouldn't get a job two weeks after you left the White House. You have letters of recommendation from Leo and the President himself. Hell, I wrote a letter of recommendation!"

"Yeah, and it's not that I didn't get offers," Donna said.

"I know. You are just too picky, my friend," CJ said, pointing her salad fork at her.

"Pointing is rude. And they are good offers, I don't say I wasn't tempted, but once you have worked for the real thing, make that the real things, you tend to be picky," Donna said.

"Matt Skinner offered you a job," CJ remarked.

"Yeah," Donna said. "Nice as he might be, he is still a Republican."

"You were all bipartisan with your bill."

"It's not my bill," Donna protested. "And if…"

"You are still thinking too much about Josh's feelings, Donna," CJ stated.

"I know. But he is my best friend, CJ. Despite everything that happened, he is still my best friend," Donna said.

"I know," CJ said with a sad smile. "All I say is that you have to move on."

"How is he?" Donna asked, deciding to ignore CJ's last remark. She could have asked not to breathe anymore, that's how hard it would've been to move on and forget about Josh Lyman.

"Okay, I guess. Ruth is working out," CJ said, referring to Josh's new assistant, who was chosen by Donna.

"I know, she calls me sometimes," Donna admitted.

"Why?"

"Because I know where the things are and how things get done. How is it going with the pardons?" Donna asked CJ.

"Josh is still preoccupied with them. He doesn't want to cull down the list of 36 to six or seven. He had a tiff with Leo about it," CJ informed her.

"You shouldn't tell me about that," Donna warned her.

"It's you, Donna. I won't talk about state secrets with you, not that I know any, but you asked me how Josh is and these are the things happening in his life. Everything affects him, everything adds to the stress," CJ told her.

"Yeah." Donna nodded.

"Did you try to reach him?" CJ asked, throwing a scrutinizing look at her.

"I left a message on his machine," Donna said. "He didn't return my call."

"When are you going back to school?" CJ changed topic after she realized she shouldn't have asked Donna about that.

"If I go back to school. And it can only be after I got a new job. I need to clear it with my new employer, plus I need the money," Donna explained.

"I could…"

"Thanks, CJ, you are the best, but I really want to do this on my own," Donna said.

"I can understand that, but should you change your mind…"

"You'll be the first to know, I promise," Donna said with a smile. "And how is it going with you and Toby?"

"You probably know more about that than Margaret," CJ said with a grin. "I heard you found a friend."

"Yeah, Annabeth and I had lunch together, two times last week. She is really funny and I really like her."

"Me too," CJ admitted. "Toby is like always. A grouchy old fellow, who always finds something to grumble about."

"Yeah," Donna agreed with a grin. "And how is the…" she wanted to ask about the President but was interrupted by a familiar voice saying hello.

"Oh, hello, Congressman!" she returned the greeting. "Senator," she acknowledged Arnie Vinick.

"Ms. Moss, great to see you," Congressman Santos said buoyantly. "I was sorry to hear that you left the White House. Our bill is coming together rather nicely. Of course it doesn't hurt that the Deputy Chief of Staff is pushing so hard."

"I thought Ed and Larry handled the bill," Donna said, turning to CJ.

"Josh took over," CJ whispered back.

"Yeah, and he is rather…" Senator Vinick was searching for the right word.

"Indomitable, determined, gritty?" CJ helped him out.

"All those and more," Senator Vinick agreed with a smile.

"Probably obstinate, tenacious and unyielding," Donna corrected CJ. "How many Republicans jumped ship since he took over?" she asked Congressman Santos then.

"Just one," Santos said. "And it was rather because of me than Josh. And who is the lucky guy?" he changed the topic at light speed.

"What do you mean, Congressman?" Donna asked him perplexed.

"You were very loyal to Josh. You resigned because you are getting married and move away, right?"

"Actually, no," Donna said hesitantly. "I resigned for personal reasons, but not because I was getting married."

"Then I must have misunderstood, Josh," Santos said apologetically. "And what are you doing now?"

"She is looking for a job," CJ hurried to inform the Congressman.

Donna got home from her lunch with CJ around two. She quickly pulled her stuff together, changed clothes and then hurried back to the heart of the city. She had an appointment at four. Still high after the successful interview, she arrived back in her apartment around seven. First, she called her mom, then CJ, then Annabeth and then she sat there, staring at the phone, trying to decide whether to make another call or not. Determination took hesitancy's place as she grabbed the receiver and dialed Josh's number. He was still at the White House, but that was okay, she wouldn't have known anyway what to say if he had picked up the phone.

"Hi, Josh!" she said, and realized how fake the cheerfulness sounded. "Sorry. Hi again. Listen, I just wanted to thank you for taking the bill over. I hope you are not swamped because of it. I know you are still working on the pardons, don't give up, Leo will come around. I'm sure all those 36 people deserve a second chance. Everybody deserves a second chance, Joshua. Listen, we'll probably meet in the next couple weeks as I'm starting next Monday in the Congressman's office and…"

"Skinner? You took the Skinner-job?" Josh interrupted her.

"You were there?" Donna asked her.

"Just got home," Josh told him. "You accepted Skinner's offer?" he pressed on.

"No, Josh," Donna reassured him. "He is a Republican, I might work together with a Republican, but I could never work for one."

"So which Congressman are we talking about?" Josh asked her, and Donna practically heard his smile.

"Santos. I had lunch with CJ today and we met the Congressman and Vinick in the restaurant. CJ told him I was looking for a job and one of his staffers just left to go back to Texas so he offered me a job."

"So you are working for a Texan?" Josh groused, but Donna knew he didn't mean it.

"Yeah, but he is the real thing, Josh," Donna said. "Go, take a look at his voting record. I chose him for the bill because he fights for what he believes in."

"Yeah, I noticed. Anyway, congratulations, Donna, and I guess we'll see each other."

"Thanks, Josh," Donna said and then Josh hung up.

_TBC_

_** Don't forget to leave a review if you liked it. :) Thanks! **_


	8. Chapter 8

**Rainbows of the Soul **

* * *

Donna arrived at work and was greeted by Ronna, the Congressman's personal assistant. They drank a coffee together while they waited for the Congressman to show up. When he did, he fixed himself a coffee and asked Donna and Ronna to enter his office. He went through his schedule with Ronna and when the assistant left, he turned to Donna. 

"I thought I'd throw you in deep water," the Congressman said with a bright smile.

"What do you need me to do, sir?" Donna asked him, thankful for the faith in her abilities.

"First, I need you to call me Matt," he said with another smile.

"Not gonna happen, sir, I'm sorry," Donna said with an apologetic smile in return.

"But you called Josh by his name and Leo, too," Matt Santos countered.

"Because the President worked in that building," Donna explained. "There was only one man that was to be addressed with sir, and that was the President."

"I see, well, we'll work on that," he said and then drew a deep breath, "Since you know the bill in depth, you'll accompany me to the Representatives who are still on the fence. Just do what you did when you liaised for the White House, be enthusiastic, and try to convince them to vote with us."

"I'll do my best," Donna said.

"That's all I'm asking for," Santos said. "We'll meet with Arnie in the afternoon; I want to tell him good news. Apparently senators are easier to be convinced, 'cause he almost has the required votes."

"I'm sure we can deliver the votes, too," Donna said convinced.

"That's what I like to hear. Let's go!" he stood up then.

"Right now?"

"Yes, Donna. Why, what did you think?" Santos asked her.

"I thought we'll strategize first, which way to convince this or that Representative."

"Well, we are going to visit Sanders, Johnson and Wagner," Santos said.

"Johnson from Florida?"

"No, Johnson from Wisconsin," Santos said. "What would you suggest?"

"Since my family members are his constituents, I think I can handle him. Jeremy Sanders is a hard nut to crack, but you should ask him about his wife. She is an elementary school teacher, and if you remind him of that, he might think it over. He is a good guy, he just doesn't like spending the government's money. Wagner usually votes with Thurgood and Hobble but they are not going to vote with us. We have to convince him that history will know Thurgood and Hobble as old schmucks, who couldn't identify a good bill if it introduced itself, but he has the chance to do something good for the future of American children," Donna rattled off.

"My gosh, you are the proverbial well of information," Santos exclaimed. "I could introduce any kind of bill and you'd know how to convince the others to vote for it."

"Only if it's a good bill," Donna said.

"You wouldn't help me if I introduced a bill against your convictions?" Santos asked back with a frown.

"I applied for and accepted this job because I think that you have your own convictions and that they are similar to mine," Donna said.

"I see," Santos answered. "I'll try not to disappoint you then."

"Thank you, sir," Donna said with a bright smile.

They didn't get Wagner but with Johnson and Sanders voting for the bill, they only needed three more votes. They met Arnie Vinick in a little restaurant; he was already waiting for them. They exchanged some pleasantries and then took their seats. Donna noticed that the table could hold four, but didn't dare to ask whether they waited for someone to join them later.

"Would you like something to drink until Mr. Lyman arrives?" the waiter asked them, and Donna felt her breath catch as she heard his name.

"Josh is coming here?" she squeaked.

"Sure, we need him to report on the progress he made," Santos said. "Is this gonna be a problem, Donna?"

"No, sir," Donna answered and emptied her glass of water as fast as she could.

"He had a meeting with some committee members yesterday and this morning he paid a visit to Thurgood and Hobble," Santos informed Donna just as she felt a shadow fall over her.

"And he got them. Wagner will follow," Josh predicted and then sat down. "Senator, Congressman, Ms. Moss," he greeted them then and picked up the menu to study the offering.

"It's good to see you, Josh. We have the votes?" Matt Santos asked him.

"Yup," Josh answered and then turned back his attention to the menu.

"Will you try to schedule the vote next week?" Santos asked.

"Yeah, it will pass in the committees," he reassured them then. "They will try to convince Thurgood and Hobble otherwise in the meantime, but we are going to work on Otis, Paulson and Kawanawa."

"Donna will get them. You should have seen her this morning. She convinced Johnson and Sanders to vote with us," Santos said.

"Right," Josh said with a nod. "Senator, everything still alright at your end?" Josh asked with a smile, making Donna almost cry. He was being nice to Vinick but he never even looked at her during the whole conversation. She didn't expect him to congratulate her on a job well done, she knew he expected nothing less from her. But it still stung. It still hurt. They continued their lunch, but Donna couldn't wait the torture coming to an end.

"Josh," she called as they all stood up.

"Yes, Ms. Moss?" he asked in a cold voice.

"Could you please look at me?" Donna asked in a whisper but when he did she wished she hadn't asked for it. For a brief moment, she saw the hurt and pain in his eyes, but then his gaze turned cold and he looked her in the eye as if they hadn't spent the last six years at each other's side. Her tears resurfaced and she nodded. She was being punished for leaving, he was pulling up the walls and she was shut outside. She had the urgency to shake him and shout at him, but first, she didn't want to make a scene and second, it wouldn't have mattered. Josh was stubborn. Donna liked to think that she was more so. She decided to keep trying at all costs. She didn't want to lose Josh as a friend. She shook her head to clear her mind and then left with Santos. They spent the afternoon with going over the Congressman's agenda, and Donna was glad to see that health care for infants, student loans for single mothers and many other worthy causes were on it.

She left around six and quickly dismissed the notion of shopping for groceries; she didn't have the energy for that. She ordered Chinese and caught CJ's evening briefing on C-SPAN. The State of the Union was only one day away, and she wondered what were Josh, Toby, CJ, Ginger, Bonnie and Charlie doing. She lifted the phone and dialed Josh's number.

"Hi, Josh!" she greeted him and cringed. It was again the fake cheerfulness, why she did that, she couldn't fathom. "Yeah, I know. Listen, I know you don't want to hear from me, but since it's your answering machine I'll just ramble on and you can decide whether you want to listen or not. You hurt me today, but I guess you had your reasons. I know I hurt you by leaving but hurting you was the last thing I intended to do. Despite everything, it was nice seeing you today; I have to admit I missed you. Hey, did you pick a guy? I bet it's the Secretary of Agriculture again." At that she let out a little chuckle. "I hope everything is okay with the pardons, please make sure that you rest when everything is said and done. You seemed a little stressed today," she concluded and wanted to hang up but Josh decided to pick up in that moment.

"You don't get to tell me what I should do or not do. You don't have the right anymore!" he shouted, and Donna had to hold away the receiver from her ear.

"Josh," she said with a sigh. "Couldn't we…"

"No!" Josh countered, not even letting her finish the sentence. "No, we couldn't. And you know why? Because you left me. Good night, and please don't call again."

After Josh hung up abruptly, Donna stared at the receiver for almost a minute. Finally, she placed it back into the cradle and then slouched back into her room and cried herself into sleep.

**TBC **

_Thanks for the feedback guys! The next chapter will be up this weekend. _


	9. Chapter 9

**Rainbows of the Soul**

* * *

Donna hurried into the office, poured herself a cup of coffee and then opened up her laptop. It was nice to have a laptop, and although it was hers alone and the Congressman told her to use one of the office computers, Donna liked her new gadget too much to not use it. She read her emails; there was one from CJ and one from Sam. CJ reported on Josh's state of mind, so to say, about how he and Toby were back to the old again and how he was going on about some mission to the Mars. There were some comments about Taylor Reid, and Donna answered her quickly, suggesting tapping Annabeth's brain on that, since the new Deputy Communications Director had been working for his show before. Sam on the other hand was full of good news; he reported how it was going back in California and how he found a new (bigger) apartment, and how a very prestigious law firm approached him. He wrote he was ready to leave his uncle's office. After wishing him good luck, Donna looked up at the clock on the wall; she saw that it was half past eight. Ronna entered the office and sent Donna a tired smile.

"He is not coming in today?" Donna asked the young assistant after Ronna poured herself a coffee and booted up her computer. Congressman Santos was usually in by half past eight.

"Helen and the kids are in town," Ronna said. "He can't fly home because of the vote but it's Miranda's birthday."

"I see." Donna nodded.

"He'll be in a bit later," Ronna reassured her.

"Okay," Donna tried to sound reassured. She had been working for him for two months already, but she still hadn't met his wife and the kids. Ronna told her Helen was nice, but Donna was somehow nervous when she thought about meeting her. "I have a meeting with Franklin's and Thompson's aides, I have to go. I'll be back around ten."

Ronna nodded and then turned to her computer, sipping on her coffee. Donna made her way to the Longworth House Office Building to meet with the aides of Representatives Franklin and Thompson. They talked about the upcoming bill Congressman Thompson introduced, and Ray Michaels (Thompson's legislative director) tried to convince Franklin's aide, Burroughs to vote for the bill. Donna was there to support Michaels, but Burroughs seemed to be unmovable. Donna searched her mind about Franklin and his weaknesses but the old coot never ended up at Josh's radar so she didn't know anything about him.

Ray thanked her for her and the Congressman's support and then left to meet with his boss. Donna wanted to return to the Rayburn Building when she heard her name as she crossed the lobby. She turned around and found herself face to face with Will Bailey.

"Hi, Will!" she greeted the Vice President's man.

"I'm glad I found you here. That girl in your office…"

"Ronna?"

"Couldn't believe it was actually her name," Will said with a grin. "Anyway, she told me you were here until ten or so."

"You were looking for me?" Donna asked with dread. Was there something wrong with Josh? But surely they would have sent CJ, or CJ would have called her.

"Yeah," Will confirmed. "I was looking for you. I don't want to beat around the bush; I'm here to offer you a job."

"I already have a job," Donna told him.

"Yeah, but we are talking about the next President of the United States, Donna," Will told her.

"Will, I'm sorry to burst your little bubble but Bob Russell is never going to be the next President of the United States."

"He could be, with our help. I'm offering you a once in a lifetime chance, Donna," Will tried to persuade her. "You could influence the world directly."

"Thanks, but I'm not interested," Donna said coolly. "I found my guy already."

"And what will you do when he is retired? Follow him to Texas? That's not a place you would want to live," Will argued.

"Yeah. But he is still young, he is going to…"

"No, he isn't, Donna. He is already disappointed with Congress, I give him one more term and then he will run back to Houston, run for Mayor again to accomplish change the only way he can imagine," Will said. "And where does that leave you? Stuck in DC without a job that would be worth getting up for."

Donna shook her head again, sidestepped Will and then left the Longworth Building. On her way back she contemplated Will's words. She decided she would make sure that Matt Santos saw the way he was affecting the world by staying on as a Representative. And then she thought about Will's offer. It was one hell of an offer, but it meant nothing from Will. Just like Angela's praising words meant nothing, just like CJ's words about the quality of her work meant nothing. She briefly wondered why Will offered her the job and then a thought struck her. He couldn't have… No, she shook her head, it had to be CJ. Yeah, it was CJ. She fished out her phone out of her bag and dialed the White House Press Secretary.

"Hi, Donna!" CJ greeted her buoyantly.

"Hi," she returned the greeting. "Listen, I just had an encounter of the third kind with Will Bailey. You don't happen to know anything about that?"

"Will Bailey?" CJ asked back. "Why would I… What did you talk about?"

"He offered me a job," Donna informed her friend.

"Well, I didn't suggest anything like that to him. I know you like working for Santos," CJ said.

"Yeah. Do you think…? Never mind." She caught herself before she asked CJ whether it was possible that Josh sent Will.

"Well, the only one who is remotely nice to Will is Josh. I guess he remembers how it was to be a pariah in this building. But I don't think he sent Will. He knows you'd never work for Russell, Donna," CJ tried to reassure her, but Donna didn't believe her. Maybe Josh did it to test her. Maybe it was his twisted way to find out whether she was loyal to Santos. Maybe it was some kind of payback for leaving him. She didn't know, but she wanted to hope that Josh didn't do it for any of those reasons. Sure, they hadn't talked since that ill-fated phone conversation where he asked her to never call again. But as she learned later from CJ, it must have been the timing that made him say those words. He had been still trying to process the fact the Donovan Morrissey killed himself because he was denied clemency. Sure, it hurt her that he didn't call to apologize for his rudeness, but would he be able to hurt her more? Would he resort to that kind of pettiness? She knew he was capable of that, but would he do it to her?

"Could you find out for sure?" she asked CJ.

"Donna…" CJ warned her.

"Please, CJ," Donna pleaded.

"What good would it bring? What if he did it? What would you do with the information?" CJ asked her.

"I don't know. All I know is that I want to know why Will had offered me a job when I wasn't even a blip on his screen while he was working for the President," Donna said.

"I wouldn't exactly say that, Donna," CJ said. "He asked about you and Josh the day he started working for us. And do I have to remind you that he had been there to play bad cop when Josh rode over to your apartment in order to bring you back to the inauguration balls? I think…" CJ began but then stopped abruptly.

"CJ?" Donna prodded.

"Sorry, I have to go. I'll get back to you as soon as I know something," CJ promised.

"Thanks. Bye, and have a good day!" Donna said and then shut her phone.

CJ didn't call her back, but then again Donna didn't expect it. It was a delicate matter, CJ needed to be subtle about it. Arriving back at the office, she met Helen Santos and the kids and was relieved to find out that they were perfectly nice. Helen was fun to talk to, and Donna made sure that Mrs. Santos saw how much good her husband did while in office. She knew she had to win Helen as an ally if she ever wanted to convince Santos to run for Congress again. She arrived home late after having dinner with Annabeth. She took a bath and while listening to the answering machine she puttered around, preparing for bed. The automatic voice told her she had three messages waiting. There was one from her mother, telling her about her cousin's engagement, and one from Ronna, explaining to her why she wasn't going to go to the office the next day. The third one made her stop in her tracks.

"Hi. It's me. Josh." Donna heard and noticed how unsure he sounded. "Even if you are home, please don't pick up, I have to tell you something and I'm not sure I'd be able to do it if I knew you were listening. Also this little prologue is your chance to delete my message." Like she would ever do that, Donna thought. "There will be no substance whatsoever that you couldn't get from CJ, anything else will be rambling and fumbling and some other things ending with 'ling'." At that she let out a little chuckle. "Okay, so here goes!" he said and heaved a deep sigh. "First of all, I'd like to apologize for my rudeness the last time you called. I think CJ already found the perfect excuse for me, but that doesn't mean it was justified how I treated you, especially considering that you called me to inquire about my mental health. Thank you for that. It's nice to have a friend, who is still worried about me, even if I treat her bad." Donna nodded in agreement and rubbed her eyes to dry her tears. "Secondly, I would like to assure you that I didn't send Will to you. The Vice President has image problems and Will needs someone who is politically savvy enough to help him. Someone like you. He needs someone with your experience, who could help him with tag-teaming the boss. He also had other motives, but I don't want to talk about that. Enough to say that he got what he was asking for." Donna wondered what it might have been, but then shook her head. She was sure CJ was going to tell her if she knew and if not, Josh would keep it between him and Will until he deemed it right to tell her about it. "Anyway, I'm glad you like working for Santos and I hope… I just hope… I hope that you are happy, Donna. Bye."

Donna sat down on the couch and wept. Sobs racked her body with tears streaming down her face, as she clutched the fabric of her towel close to her chest. Josh's words sounded final. Like he was saying goodbye. Like he knew they would never get back what they once had. Like he didn't know that her happiness depended on him. Like he gave up on their relationship, be that as friends or even acquaintances.

She fell asleep, only the towel wrapped around her body, her tear-stained face still an image of hurt and pain. Her sleep was restless, a sob escaping her lips every once in a while. She awoke two hours later as a shiver ran down her body – she was cold. She hit replay and listened to the message again, analyzing every word, trying to find out if the 'Josh-and-Donna' they once were could be saved. And then she realized something. Why would Josh have apologized if he never intended to meet her again? Plus there was a compliment hidden in that message. Finally, there was praise from the one person whose opinion mattered. He deemed her politically savvy enough to help Will, to work for the Vice President of the United States, even if said man was a joke on the political stage. Her heart raced as she contemplated her next move. At last, with a firm resolution, she picked up the phone and dialed the number from memory, praying for courage and the right words.

_TBC_


	10. Chapter 10

**Rainbows of the Soul**

* * *

Donna hurried into the office, poured herself a cup of coffee and then opened up her laptop. It was nice to have a laptop, and although it was hers alone and the Congressman told her to use one of the office computers, Donna liked her new gadget too much to not use it. She read her emails; there was one from CJ and one from Sam. CJ reported on Josh's state of mind, so to say, about how he and Toby were back to the old again and how he was going on about some mission to the Mars. There were some comments about Taylor Reid, and Donna answered her quickly, suggesting tapping Annabeth's brain on that, since the new Deputy Communications Director had been working for his show before. Sam on the other hand was full of good news; he reported how it was going back in California and how he found a new (bigger) apartment, and how a very prestigious law firm approached him. He wrote he was ready to leave his uncle's office. After wishing him good luck, Donna looked up at the clock on the wall; she saw that it was half past eight. Ronna entered the office and sent Donna a tired smile. 

"He is not coming in today?" Donna asked the young assistant after Ronna poured herself a coffee and booted up her computer. Congressman Santos was usually in by half past eight.

"Helen and the kids are in town," Ronna said. "He can't fly home because of the vote but it's Miranda's birthday."

"I see." Donna nodded.

"He'll be in a bit later," Ronna reassured her.

"Okay," Donna tried to sound reassured. She had been working for him for two months already, but she still hadn't met his wife and the kids. Ronna told her Helen was nice, but Donna was somehow nervous when she thought about meeting her. "I have a meeting with Franklin's and Thompson's aides, I have to go. I'll be back around ten."

Ronna nodded and then turned to her computer, sipping on her coffee. Donna made her way to the Longworth House Office Building to meet with the aides of Representatives Franklin and Thompson. They talked about the upcoming bill Congressman Thompson introduced, and Ray Michaels (Thompson's legislative director) tried to convince Franklin's aide, Burroughs to vote for the bill. Donna was there to support Michaels, but Burroughs seemed to be unmovable. Donna searched her mind about Franklin and his weaknesses but the old coot never ended up at Josh's radar so she didn't know anything about him.

Ray thanked her for her and the Congressman's support and then left to meet with his boss. Donna wanted to return to the Rayburn Building when she heard her name as she crossed the lobby. She turned around and found herself face to face with Will Bailey.

"Hi, Will!" she greeted the Vice President's man.

"I'm glad I found you here. That girl in your office…"

"Ronna?"

"Couldn't believe it was actually her name," Will said with a grin. "Anyway, she told me you were here until ten or so."

"You were looking for me?" Donna asked with dread. Was there something wrong with Josh? But surely they would have sent CJ, or CJ would have called her.

"Yeah," Will confirmed. "I was looking for you. I don't want to beat around the bush; I'm here to offer you a job."

"I already have a job," Donna told him.

"Yeah, but we are talking about the next President of the United States, Donna," Will told her.

"Will, I'm sorry to burst your little bubble but Bob Russell is never going to be the next President of the United States."

"He could be, with our help. I'm offering you a once in a lifetime chance, Donna," Will tried to persuade her. "You could influence the world directly."

"Thanks, but I'm not interested," Donna said coolly. "I found my guy already."

"And what will you do when he is retired? Follow him to Texas? That's not a place you would want to live," Will argued.

"Yeah. But he is still young, he is going to…"

"No, he isn't, Donna. He is already disappointed with Congress, I give him one more term and then he will run back to Houston, run for Mayor again to accomplish change the only way he can imagine," Will said. "And where does that leave you? Stuck in DC without a job that would be worth getting up for."

Donna shook her head again, sidestepped Will and then left the Longworth Building. On her way back she contemplated Will's words. She decided she would make sure that Matt Santos saw the way he was affecting the world by staying on as a Representative. And then she thought about Will's offer. It was one hell of an offer, but it meant nothing from Will. Just like Angela's praising words meant nothing, just like CJ's words about the quality of her work meant nothing. She briefly wondered why Will offered her the job and then a thought struck her. He couldn't have… No, she shook her head, it had to be CJ. Yeah, it was CJ. She fished out her phone out of her bag and dialed the White House Press Secretary.

"Hi, Donna!" CJ greeted her buoyantly.

"Hi," she returned the greeting. "Listen, I just had an encounter of the third kind with Will Bailey. You don't happen to know anything about that?"

"Will Bailey?" CJ asked back. "Why would I… What did you talk about?"

"He offered me a job," Donna informed her friend.

"Well, I didn't suggest anything like that to him. I know you like working for Santos," CJ said.

"Yeah. Do you think…? Never mind." She caught herself before she asked CJ whether it was possible that Josh sent Will.

"Well, the only one who is remotely nice to Will is Josh. I guess he remembers how it was to be a pariah in this building. But I don't think he sent Will. He knows you'd never work for Russell, Donna," CJ tried to reassure her, but Donna didn't believe her. Maybe Josh did it to test her. Maybe it was his twisted way to find out whether she was loyal to Santos. Maybe it was some kind of payback for leaving him. She didn't know, but she wanted to hope that Josh didn't do it for any of those reasons. Sure, they hadn't talked since that ill-fated phone conversation where he asked her to never call again. But as she learned later from CJ, it must have been the timing that made him say those words. He had been still trying to process the fact the Donovan Morrissey killed himself because he was denied clemency. Sure, it hurt her that he didn't call to apologize for his rudeness, but would he be able to hurt her more? Would he resort to that kind of pettiness? She knew he was capable of that, but would he do it to her?

"Could you find out for sure?" she asked CJ.

"Donna…" CJ warned her.

"Please, CJ," Donna pleaded.

"What good would it bring? What if he did it? What would you do with the information?" CJ asked her.

"I don't know. All I know is that I want to know why Will had offered me a job when I wasn't even a blip on his screen while he was working for the President," Donna said.

"I wouldn't exactly say that, Donna," CJ said. "He asked about you and Josh the day he started working for us. And do I have to remind you that he had been there to play bad cop when Josh rode over to your apartment in order to bring you back to the inauguration balls? I think…" CJ began but then stopped abruptly.

"CJ?" Donna prodded.

"Sorry, I have to go. I'll get back to you as soon as I know something," CJ promised.

"Thanks. Bye, and have a good day!" Donna said and then shut her phone.

CJ didn't call her back, but then again Donna didn't expect it. It was a delicate matter, CJ needed to be subtle about it. Arriving back at the office, she met Helen Santos and the kids and was relieved to find out that they were perfectly nice. Helen was fun to talk to, and Donna made sure that Mrs. Santos saw how much good her husband did while in office. She knew she had to win Helen as an ally if she ever wanted to convince Santos to run for Congress again. She arrived home late after having dinner with Annabeth. She took a bath and while listening to the answering machine she puttered around, preparing for bed. The automatic voice told her she had three messages waiting. There was one from her mother, telling her about her cousin's engagement, and one from Ronna, explaining to her why she wasn't going to go to the office the next day. The third one made her stop in her tracks.

"Hi. It's me. Josh." Donna heard and noticed how unsure he sounded. "Even if you are home, please don't pick up, I have to tell you something and I'm not sure I'd be able to do it if I knew you were listening. Also this little prologue is your chance to delete my message." Like she would ever do that, Donna thought. "There will be no substance whatsoever that you couldn't get from CJ, anything else will be rambling and fumbling and some other things ending with 'ling'." At that she let out a little chuckle. "Okay, so here goes!" he said and heaved a deep sigh. "First of all, I'd like to apologize for my rudeness the last time you called. I think CJ already found the perfect excuse for me, but that doesn't mean it was justified how I treated you, especially considering that you called me to inquire about my mental health. Thank you for that. It's nice to have a friend, who is still worried about me, even if I treat her bad." Donna nodded in agreement and rubbed her eyes to dry her tears. "Secondly, I would like to assure you that I didn't send Will to you. The Vice President has image problems and Will needs someone who is politically savvy enough to help him. Someone like you. He needs someone with your experience, who could help him with tag-teaming the boss. He also had other motives, but I don't want to talk about that. Enough to say that he got what he was asking for." Donna wondered what it might have been, but then shook her head. She was sure CJ was going to tell her if she knew and if not, Josh would keep it between him and Will until he deemed it right to tell her about it. "Anyway, I'm glad you like working for Santos and I hope… I just hope… I hope that you are happy, Donna. Bye."

Donna sat down on the couch and wept. Sobs racked her body with tears streaming down her face, as she clutched the fabric of her towel close to her chest. Josh's words sounded final. Like he was saying goodbye. Like he knew they would never get back what they once had. Like he didn't know that her happiness depended on him. Like he gave up on their relationship, be that as friends or even acquaintances.

She fell asleep, only the towel wrapped around her body, her tear-stained face still an image of hurt and pain. Her sleep was restless, a sob escaping her lips every once in a while. She awoke two hours later as a shiver ran down her body – she was cold. She hit replay and listened to the message again, analyzing every word, trying to find out if the 'Josh-and-Donna' they once were could be saved. And then she realized something. Why would Josh have apologized if he never intended to meet her again? Plus there was a compliment hidden in that message. Finally, there was praise from the one person whose opinion mattered. He deemed her politically savvy enough to help Will, to work for the Vice President of the United States, even if said man was a joke on the political stage. Her heart raced as she contemplated her next move. At last, with a firm resolution, she picked up the phone and dialed the number from memory, praying for courage and the right words.

After ten minutes of vain effort to try to reach him she dialed CJ's number, impatiently waiting for her friend to pick up the phone.

"CJ Cregg," the familiar, although somewhat drowsy, voice of CJ answered the phone.

"It's me," Donna announced herself. "I'm trying to reach Josh, but his line is busy and his cell is shut off. Where is he?"

"Donna," CJ sighed her name. "I swear to God if you two don't get your stuff together I'm going to knock some sense into both of you."

"Please, CJ!" Donna implored. "I need your help."

"And how could I help you? And I mean from my bed, Donna, because there is not enough begging or money on the world that would make me leave my bed right now."

"Page him," Donna said.

"I don't know his page number, it's written in my little book but the book is in my bag and the bag is in my living room. In case you wondered, I'm in my bed in my bedroom," CJ went on, still sounding like she was sleep-talking.

"Okay, I'll give you the number," Donna said. "You have pen and paper at your bed?"

"No," CJ said and Donna let out a frustrated sigh. She knew she was unfair to CJ, but she was really worried about Josh and she had to hear his voice before she could calm down.

"CJ, please," she begged her.

"But I have my cell here; I can punch in the numbers and then page him from my cell," CJ offered.

"You are the best, CJ! I don't know how I could ever thank you for being such a good friend," Donna said.

"Well, you could start by telling me that you like me better than Annabeth," CJ said, her voice thin.

"CJ! But of course! Annabeth is a funny girl, but no one can hold a candle to you. You are my best friend," Donna said. "I'm sorry if I ever…"

"Josh is your best friend, Donna, no need to deny it. Just… To hear it from you hurt me a bit. I can usually accept it, I was just…"

"CJ, no, what I feel for Josh is… You know what I feel for Josh. I just use the best friend term because I can't use the other," Donna told her.

"The soulmate one?" CJ asked back, suddenly sounding very lucid.

"Yes," Donna admitted.

"Okay, I'll page him. Call me back in fifteen," CJ told her and then hung up.

Donna climbed into her bed, pulled the cover up to her chin, still clutching the phone in her hand. She eyed the clock, watching the numbers change. She still had five minutes when her phone rang.

"Hi, CJ!" Donna greeted her friend.

"It's me," came Josh's voice.

"Josh." Donna sighed relieved.

"I'm sorry if I worried you. I was just having a hard day and I didn't want to be disturbed," Josh said.

"I'm sorry if CJ…"

"No, no, I'm glad she did," Josh hurried to reassure her. "Donna, I'm really sorry for my rudeness."

"You already apologized," Donna reminded him.

"And am I being forgiven?" Josh asked back, and the nervousness in his voice couldn't be missed.

"Yes, you are forgiven," Donna said with a slight smile. "Why did Will ask me?"

"I already told you. He needs someone with your talent," Josh said.

"But you also said there was something else," Donna pressed on.

"And I distinctly remember that I didn't want to talk about that," Josh retorted, but Donna heard that he wasn't angry.

"Yeah, admit it, you told me about it so that I would ask," Donna said.

"Well, not exactly," Josh hedged.

"You were so agitated about Will's offer that you didn't watch your words?" Donna asked back perplexed.

"Yup," Josh confessed. "He is a slimy little…"

"Josh!" Donna warned him. "He is just alone. He needs supervising, but he is a great political mind and a fantastic writer."

"Yeah," Josh said, and Donna practically saw him shrugging his shoulders.

"He is," Donna insisted. "Anyway, what did you do to him?"

"Punched him in the face," Josh said, leaving Donna flummoxed. Josh never resorted to physical attacks; he preferred striking the enemy with words.

"You are kidding me, right?"

"No, he is sporting a rather large purple spot around his left eyes, and my knuckles hurt like hell."

"Did you put ice on them?" Donna asked immediately.

"Yeah, Ruth brought me an ice pack from the Mess," Josh said. "Listen, not that I don't like talking to you…"

"Don't you dare hang up on me, Josh Lyman! Not until you spill your secret. What did Will say that provoked such a response from you?"

"Alright, you asked for it. He told me he asked you not only because you were talented but also because he wants me on the Bingo Bob-ship come election season."

"I don't understand," Donna said after mulling over Josh's words.

"But it's really not hard to see where he is coming from, Donna. He thinks I will get on his team if you are already there," Josh explained.

"What?" Donna asked back incredulously.

"He thinks if you are already…" Josh started to explain but Donna interrupted him.

"No, I understood that part. I just don't understand where he got the idea. I mean how desperate does he have to be to think you'd leave the President and join Bingo Bob's campaign? I mean…"

"Donna, he is pretty desperate, but actually he assessed the situation right. I would have contemplated it."

"Working for Bingo Bob?"

"Yes," Josh said in a low voice.

"But why?" Donna asked back.

"Because I miss you!" Josh shouted. "Because I miss you every day, and if working for Bingo Bob would give me the chance to…"

"Josh," Donna interrupted him.

"I'm sorry. I never wanted to make you feel uncomfortable."

"I miss you too," Donna confessed.

"Then why would you leave me?" Josh asked back, and Donna heard that he was still hurt over it.

"I resigned on July 5," Donna said and thought it would explain everything.

"But why?" Josh asked impatiently. "What did I do on July 4 that made you… Amy?"

"Yeah," Donna said, but she was greeted by silence from the other end of the phone. And then couldn't bear the tension anymore so she said goodbye, "Goodnight, Josh."

"Don't hang up," Josh begged her, but Donna didn't listen. She practically confessed that she had been jealous of Amy, she was mortified enough to contemplate moving to Canada. Her phone rang, but when she saw it was Josh, she refused to take the call.

"I'm not talking to your answering machine anymore, Donna. Pick up the damn phone!" Josh ordered her. "Donatella Moss, pick up the phone or… You know what, don't pick up the phone. Let's meet face to face; I think the only way to get this under control again is to meet. Shall we say tomorrow? I have to ask Ruth about my schedule but I'll call you after Senior Staff. You better pick up the phone then, Donna. I don't want to make a scene in the Texan Congressman's office, but you know me, I'm not afraid to do it."

_TBC_

_**If you like the story, then please leave a review. To all of you who sent me feedback I would like to thank because reviews make my day. **_


End file.
